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Roommates … UGH!

15 Feb

There are days I enjoy having a roommate. I’d lived alone and isolated for so long that the human interaction is nice.

But then there are days like today when I just want to punch my roommate in the face. See, since I moved into this house, on occasion I work from home. I’m a technical writer, and when I’m starting a project from scratch, I find it’s better for my creative juices if I work away from the office. I can put on music, I can get up and wonder around the room while I sort out ideas, and I have a pitcher of tea on hand all day. However (here’s the roommate part), be it jealousy or whatever, my roommate cannot grasp the concept that for 8 hours, I cannot be bothered. I cannot do dishes. I cannot clean house. I cannot babysit her kid. I cannot fix her broken electronics. And that’s what set today’s bad mood off.

She warned me to clean the stove today, and then she got pissed because I wouldn’t help her fix her electronics. She went to bed (she works nights) and finally I had the house to myself to work – until 4pm. Then I had to relocate to my bedroom and mini-notebook so I could finish off my day. That’s when the kid came home. And I told him to go ask mom if he can go play with his friend. I assume he did, but since I was working this wasn’t really my responsibility. I’ve been fighting with the kid to remember taking his dog out to potty, and WAIT for her to potty. Yes, I did say I’ve. Mom has too many other things to do apparently to do this herself.

So I’ve moved to my bedroom to work because I need the solitude and I keep hearing the dog whining. I figured he was outside and ignored it. Then she started barking. I go out to get after her, and the kid’s gone. Well, since his trend is not to take his dog out when he’s supposed to, I did it because if I asked mom she’d bitch at me about it. I put the dog back in mom’s room since the kid is gone and think I can finally get to peaceful work. I took off my headphones in time to hear a vehicle slow down much faster than most do going past our place. I go outside, and the kid and his friend are playing football in the street – which has no streetlights – in the dark. I yell at him for it, because no one else is going to, and drag his ass inside. Then I get after him about the dog and he gives me attitude about it. I just brush it off and try to go back to work. About the time I’m settling back into my writing groove, the roommate comes out yelling at her kid for putting the dog in her room. I lost it. I couldn’t take another distraction, disturbance, or this anymore. After I yelled at her I did it and why, I shut my door, and cranked the music so I could tune them out and finish working.

*sigh* I guess I won’t be working from home anymore. I hear my local library is nice, though.

 
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Posted in Home, Life

 

Totally weird night

26 Jan

Weirdness happened to me last night.

I woke up from a dead sleep and it felt like I was in a swamp. It was humid and hot and sticky. So I got up and turned my radiator off. And went back to bed.

Sometime after that, I woke up several more times. Each time I thought I’d moved to another place in Louisiana, that my clocks were all wrong, and I was going to be late for work. But every time I looked at my clock, it was still 7:20am – my alarm goes off at 8am.

I finally fell back to sleep, only to wake up again because I was really cold. I thought I saw my breath and my bed felt hot to the touch. So I turned on my radiator. And I either did or dreamed I took a shower, and went back to bed.

When my alarm did go off, I was dry, the bed was dry (and not hot or cold), and the radiator was on. It was a very strange night.

 
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Posted in Dreams, Life, Randomness

 

Mourning the death of a dream

15 Jan

I moved last month and I’m finally getting all my boxes unpacked. I got to the boxes with my writing stuff and that’s when this whole spiral began. I haven’t written for over a year – longer when it comes to original work. I haven’t emailed or mailed any query letters or short stories in almost two years. That’s when I think the reality hit – I’ve all but given up on writing. My last positive reaction was a year ago, when I made it to semi-finalist at Austin Film Festival – and then nothing.

This year, if I apply for the ABC/Disney Writing Program (a.k.a. Fellowship), it will make year 14. Fourteen years, man. I can’t decide if that should make me scream or cry, and it might ease the pain if I knew if there was someone out there who has been trying longer than I have. And this year, I didn’t even get a rejection email or letter from Disney – just the wall of silence. That heart-breaking letter let me know my submission was at least opened! But I will submit my application this one last year, and call it over. Of course, iIt hasn’t helped that at work I’m not having any better luck with writing than I have elsewhere in my writing career.

None of that is a meant to be a pity trip, but it really hurts when you realize that your dream, something you’ve invested so much time, energy, and emotion into, will never be realized. And it’s time to let it die. Above all else, the part that makes it hurt so much more, is when you know that you’re having to deal with alone because no one around you would understand. They didn’t understand when you were dreaming it, they sure as shit won’t understand it when you’re mourning the death of your dream.

 
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Posted in Life, Writing

 

Well, what’s done is done…

10 Jan

Well, I’m stupid. BillMeLater has been around forever and I’ve tried to use it in the past, but to no avail. Until last night, when by some sheer luck of madness my order for a desktop computer was approved. But I guess I can look at this in one of two ways:

1. OH MY GOD! What the fuck was I thinking! I don’t have money for a loan, even a $650 loan! I haven’t paid off the loans I DO have!

Or

2. It is really fucking hard to use a mini-book when I’m working with huge tech articles for work at home, I can’t play Sims on it, I can’t do huge graphics on it, I can’t… And my current desktop is sitting over there, staring at me, because it will not, absolutely refuses to, and with no uncertainty will, work. And I’m sure that the fact the newest part in it is four years old and the oldest part in it is 13 years old, may be a factor.

So, now I’m getting a desktop. And now I can work at home because I’m living above ground with the majority of humans. And this… I guess this is really the determining factor in the good, the bad, and the OMG of the whole moment.

 
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Posted in Life, Randomness, Work

 

Moving SUX!

18 Dec

I hate moving.

There is nothing I can think of that I enjoy about moving. In fact, I loathe it so much that I stayed in my last place just to avoid the idea. But eventually the obvious became, well, obvious. The place was slowly driving me insane. It was in a basement, it was dark, it was dirty, there were bugs, the toilet was right against the shower so you were always banging your knee when you pooped, and the neighbors above had a ceiling fan right over my bed that sounded like a semi idling – and to which they chose often to leave running.

So, I broke down and went hunting for a place with my best friend. That’s when all the nightmares called life began. By some stroke of luck, I found a really great place. True, it is in a trailer park – but it’s not a trailer. It’s a modular. And we’re sticking to that fake belief because it’s a modular, not a trailer. So there. To top it off, there’s a washer and dryer, a dishwasher, a real kitchen sink (mine was a camper style, single sink), and the location is quiet.

We no sooner signed the lease and she gets laid off. Foregoing all grace – FUCK!

Perhaps it was stubbornness, or perhaps it was sheer desperation on both our parts, but we decided we had to see this through and stay. Really, this is a very nice modular. And the layout is great for when we have a personality clash. In the past, that has been the reason we didn’t do well living together, but with 1400+ feet, that may not be a problem.

And then we were faced with telling everyone that we were, in fact, moving in together. Because of our past track record living together, everyone raised eyebrows and offered up lectures and promised not to help if either of us found ourselves stuck with the rent on the place by ourselves.

And then I had a huge blow out with my step-mom and it wasn’t looking like I was going to get anyone to move me. But somehow, I did. I had to be moved in 4 hours – and they managed to do it. But I lost my cat because we could only have one pet and I let her son keep his dog, one of my fish died in the move (prolly cuz he plowed into the side of the tank when I was taking them out), my desktop will not boot, and the phone jack where I need to put the DSL modem is broken.

But really, none of these are the worst part (even the dying fish). The worst part is I am not an active person – shame on me, I know, but some people are, most people aren’t, and tonight I am feeling the pain! There isn’t a part on me that isn’t asking, ‘What the fuck!? Do you fucking hate us? Hell and shit and everything in between!’

But I’m in my new place now. There’s no engine loud fan over my head, I don’t have to go to a laundry mat, I don’t have stairs that are two feet deep and six steps long, and I have a dishwasher AND a regular kitchen sink! Now, I haven’t had a chance to live with my friend and her son yet. They’re gone until after Christmas. But I think, maybe, perhaps it’s just hoping, that this might be a doable situation.

Just maybe.

And thank God I have an iPod Classic – because today I needed a serious Breathe Carolina fix and my desktop is being all stupid!

 
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Posted in Randomness

 

Where is the return counter for Mondays?

29 Nov

I’m still learning how to use Windows 7 speech recognition.  So far it’s been a rather trying experience.  Today I’m trying it with a headset and we seem to be getting along much better (or maybe it’s because I haven’t taken any pain meds that made me slur!).

I am a sad panda…  I published a CSI story on fanfiction.net and received only one review, and it was to tell me my characterization of Nick was out of character.  The reviewer stated that the character would not have put other characters in jeopardy like this.  I find this very confusing that someone would say that if they were actually was following the show.  During season 11 the character did put other characters at risk through their actions and disregard to authority commands but there was no repercussion for their behavior and in this story there was.  It also amuses me that this comment was made because on the same web site I write an ongoing series for the same show where the character does often behave like this but no one’s ever commented he behaved out of character.

Luckily this is just fanfiction and nobody’s opinion as any opinion that I have to listen to, just merely suggestions.  A long time ago I decided that when it came to my personal writing I really didn’t care what anybody thought and if they didn’t like it they could put it down and stop reading.  And yet I am baffled as to why people don’t do just that.  I guess it all comes back to there are as many critics as there are opinions.

 
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Posted in Life, Randomness, Writing

 

Learning how to use voice command

26 Nov

Earlier this week I have discovered voice command in windows 7. The last time I used a voice command software I owned a Mac and it wasn’t very intuitive. This software is adequate but far from being Dragon. However it’s free and anything else would cost me rent money so I can’t be too picky. Trying to put my thoughts together while speaking is proving to challenging, and voice command wants to put words in my mouth. No pun intended! But I figured my blog is the best place to practice using it, so I forewarn my like 2 readers that  there may be some weird typos in the days to come.

Some other thoughts on being sick: I always seem to have really strange dreams when I’m sick.  The last one I had had Ted Danson and a woman who was his wife from CSI but strangely I couldn’t see anybody’s faces.  I’ll blame it on the orange juice.

 
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Posted in Life, Randomness

 

Worse holiday ever

25 Nov

Last night I decided I wanted to visit emergency room again.  I love the attention and needles so much I just can’t stay away!!!  Actually I’m really hate the emergency room, and I am not crazy about the service from my local hospital either. Most of the staff have the personality of bored novelty shop keepers.

Upon returning home the pain that put me there began to go away, but strangely now my head hurt and I had flu-like symptoms.  I was kind of freaking it out, because I’d had a blood clot only a week ago.  Could this be a stroke? I was scared and now it was Thanksgiving day and my doctor was closed.  So I would have to wait in pain and fear.

I was finally able to see a doctor on Friday and she said it’s a viral sinus infection.  I asked how common is such a thing, because I’d never heard of it.  She said it’s not common, but people can catch them.  Great.  I’m beginning to think…  No.  I’ve thought for a while now that apparently I can’t get what everybody else gets when it comes to illness.  That’s how I apparently am different.

But hey, I’ve found the next fad diet! When you can’t decide if your upset stomach is because you’re hungry or because you nauseous, you don’t eat very much or often.  So it hasn’t upside I guess.  No one ever accused me of being an optimist.  :-)

 
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Posted in Life, Randomness

 

It is a sad panda day…

21 Nov

Writing is so depressing, and even more so when you factor in how few people can make a career out of it. That is where I’m at.

I have tried every year for now 13 years to get into the Disney/ABC fellowship, but I doubt I even got a second look, and I’m just waiting for the inevitable letter/email to tell me that, once again, I have not been selected for the fellowship. Hell, I can’t afford to pay my student loans, let alone pay for script contests or someone to critique my scripts.  I’ve had nothing but rejection letters all year and my last publication was well over five years ago.

Whoever said persistence pays, lied.

Oh well. Not many people can make a career out of it. I have resigned myself to writing for self-entertainment and inspiring the occasional Internet reader.

And yet… This idea makes me a sad panda.

 
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Posted in Life, Writing

 

Stranger than normal tornado dream

17 Nov

I had the strangest tornado dream last night. Usually I’m running from them and I get to a basement and they come and go. But this was way different and I should have been scared, I suppose, but for some reason I wasn’t.

I woke up lying on the floor in this room. There was no furniture, and the walls and windows had been blown out. All that was left was this closet/hall in the center of the building. I got up and there were these two Cockapoo dogs that ran up to me. Someone told me the tornado hit and we were lucky. I realized I was in a high-rise of some kind, and knew there had been furniture in there once. I looked outside and the surrounding city looked like it had been blown up, but I don’t know what city it was.

Then I saw another tornado coming. It was huge and black. I grabbed ‘my’ dog, one of the Cockapoo’s, and ran over to this closet. There was just enough room for the dog and me. I pulled the closet door closed and held on.

Then I was looking down at the city. “The tornado doesn’t look so big from up here,” I thought. The buildings looked like Legos as they fly apart. The building my other self is in gets ripped from the ground and was tossed into this field outside of the city.

Then I woke up inside the building. It’s rubble, there’s just enough head room for me to stand, there are dead people everywhere, and dogs. Eight dogs in all, each a different breed – but none were Cockapoos. There’s hail on the floor. I find bowls and put the hail in the bowls and up out of the dog’s reach. I don’t know how long we were in there, but I kept giving them drinks of the melted hail.

The building keeps rumbling and shifting. An opening appeared and I checked it out. I could see daylight at the end, but it was a long way over a lot of rubble. Then two dogs run past and make it out, so I start climbing out with the other dogs. The closer to the end, the brighter it got. It got so bright that I had to close my eyes, and when I did, I woke up because my alarm was going off.

Now, in my defense, the last thing I did before I went to bed was play Lego Harry Potter. And the last thing I ate/drank, was water. the last thought I recall having was wondering if the alarm in the building next door was going to go off again. I don’t usually have dogs in my dreams, either, and the last Cockapoo I had I was 6!

 
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Posted in Dreams

 
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